We · were · infinite

But it's something more than ordinary....
I had a hang over today but it was so worth it....
My neck hurts...but that's ok
I had a great night (again) last night...
With that same awesome person...

...I had a pretty good night last night....Amy though AJ was having a party for his birthday...as it turns out...that's next weekend...but still I drove home from work and put on my party best before I found that out...call AJ who said "Baby, thats next weekend"....after a little debate the desicion was made that he would come to my house with his friend...what's a little pregame?....so i threw together a party in about 5 minutes and called it a bash...any ways the point is AJ's friend Chino...well he was awesome...first off he's a theatre major...so he can just undertand alot of ridiculous shit i do...yeah...we just talked so much and got along...then we kinda had to put AJ to bed but he was ok...eventually...i hate to ramble about stuff like this...he was just awesome...

I was going to write you letter to say that I still cared...
I was going to even re-write so you wouldn't have the sloppy fist draft...
I was going to give it to you...if you didn't say anything about the day...
So in other words you would have gotten it...
you would never mention what today is...
You would try to avoid the subject at all costs...
And you know you would...
So that why I'm going to save myself the touble...rip up the letter...and ignore you today...
I don't feel like going through it...
So take September 2nd...and all of us with you...because nowadays...when you leave...you don't take me with you anymore...you stop caring the minute you walked out the door...THREE MONTHS AGO!
So as to quote my letter "on this ordinary, extremely average day that 'we' (you) dont count anymore"
We HAD a "great relationship"....keyword: had.

i feel like i should start this with "it was the best of times...it was the worst of times"....looks like i just did...i was one crazy summer...so much changed and so much happened...i would write it all down right here and now...but there's really no point...we all know what happened...most importantly of all...I learned how do something I never thought I would say i can do...regret...if this summer did nothing else for me...it taught me how to regret...and i hate that...

*hopeful that the fall will bring brighter days*

You may never read this...you probably won't...but I just wanted to thank you for all the good that you did...for every time you wiped away my tears, made me feel safe, and promised me it would be okay...I want to tell you how I can remember our first kiss like it was yesterday and the first time you told me you loved me like it just happened...I will always value every minute we had together...I will never forget all the times we laid on my bed just enjoying the feeling of laying next to each other...every hug and kiss will be with me for the rest of my life...the way you changed me and helped me to know what I want from life...You did me wrong...but I still love you so much that it hurts me...I wish I could erase the past all all we've done to hurt each other...I wish I could take away every hurt feeling and every mean thing that was said....but I can't...yesterday I started an new era in my life...with out you by my side through everything...I hope that some day...even through it all...that we will be ok again...I love you more than I can put into words...I know you love me too....someday....that may be all we need...but until then...just know that i would have loved you untill the day I died....if life had given us a chance...with all that said I want to leave you with this...the most perfect song I've heard in weeks....I love you with all of my heart...and you mean the world to me.
</3,
Kimi
*

at mikeys and drunk...afeter a reallyt long game of quaters...dude fuck timmy...he fucked that bitch nicole...and i got a really cute biy numebr last night and even if i never talk to hoim again...i won...,beacuser this guy is cute;...fuck thzt shit

Do you remember the time when you and i were fine
hiding under the apple tree there was no one but you and me
we would hide from passing cars and we would have the summer stars

and we were better then then we'd ever been before
you came back to me after walking out my door
you would call me on the phone before you even got home
without me you said you were all alone

the cold wind that blows all the things i used to know
how could it play so fast never thought you'd be part of my past
would i trade it all again to get you out of my head?

cause we were better then then we'd ever been before
you came back to me after walking out my door
you would call me on the phone before you even got home
without me you said you were all alone
alone
without me by your side
you said you were all alone
give me one more chance
to prove myself to you
all the little things that i long to do
...(when you run away)
would you trade the course
...(you said that you'd be)
so that i could hold you
...(coming out my front porch)
would it all go away
...(just to see me)
and my heart is breaking
would you hear me baby
as the tears are longing
for what it used to be

And I'm doing just fine.

EVERYTHING is so crazy now...
Everyday I feel a new emotion...
And angry rant in:
5

4

3

2

1....What the fuck? I'm so sick of people and all their petty bullshit...My friends are ridiculous...last night one of them called me to hang out...I said I'd call her back...and when I do...she already had gone out with our other friends...so me and Amy went to the diner by ourselves...only for that group to leave to smoke...casually NOT inviting us...not like we could anyway...I had work at 6am...and I'm sick of everyone being so fucking immature...they ditched us to go smoke....and THAT'S why I wanted to quit...because 1. it's stupid and 2. it's a waiste of my time and money...furthermore...it becomes such a big fucking deal...I have people giving themselves a fucking anierism over a fime bag...and then I sit there and start to wonder what the fuck is wrong with them...come one people we aren't 16 year old rebels anymore...now were just adults who can't take care of themsevels...I sometimes seriously wonder what the fuck is wrong with people....

And don't even let me get started about relationships...everyone has their fucking say about everyone elses business...if half the people I know would jsut give it a fucking rest the other half could be happy...I don't understand why people worry about other peoples shit...half they are the ones who need someone to worry about them....their the ones who have enough og their own fucking problems that they don't need any more issues...especially someone else's problems...I know I personally stopped giving a fuck..."Holy shit!, he/she didn't call me, now I have to go crawl into a corner and fucking die.".....seriously...life is not that serious....it's not that big of a deal....and you look and sound absolutly absurd saying that...not to mention that is the basic naive mentalitly of a high school sophomore....which we have not been for a long time...if you and your significant other break up, there is no need to announce the whole detailed story to the entire fucking world attached to the back of a 747 flying over every single beach on the east coast...oh wait that's right....it's the end of the world because some one you met once or twice didn't call you...I forgot...you would think that it would be easy to forget about that...the last time i got upset about a guy not calling me after just meeting them or hanging out just a few times was ....OH!...My SOPHOMORE YEAR IN FUCKING HIGH SCHOOL...WOW! here's a novel idea....no one gives a fuck about who called franky, who broke up with sally and ESPECIALLY who fucked Shirley...correction...I can't speak for everyone... I don't give a fuck.

Bonita Kimita: i want a lattee
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: lol
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: i like theire frozen things
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: lol i 4get wut its called
Bonita Kimita: frappaccino
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: yep thats it lol
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: theyre buildin a starbucks like rite across the highway from me
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: im gona be in heavein
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: specilly when i have class in willingboro at 9am lol
Bonita Kimita: thats gonna be so great to have there
Bonita Kimita: omg thats fucking awesome
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: lol i kno
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: dude sum1 told me theyre puttin a ruby tuesdays tehre
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: liquor rite across the road
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: and yummy food
Bonita Kimita: shit life keeps getting better in your end of the woods
Bonita Kimita: we still have the strip club and everyone is over the the burgerking and super wawa
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: lol
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: ill be a caffene addict whos always liquored up , ffat, and happy lol
Bonita Kimita: i'm with you on that one
Bonita Kimita: haha its gonna be awesome
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: lol hell yea
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: i hate myspace lol
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: everytime i look at my profile i wana fix it
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: and then i screw it up
Bonita Kimita: yeah me too...but its so hard to not look at it
Bonita Kimita: haha ME TOO@
Bonita Kimita: !
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: lol!!
Bonita Kimita: dude i always look up people i don't liek and look at their shit just so i cant make fun of it
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: lmao me too
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: it kills me
Bonita Kimita: it makes you feel better thogh
Bonita Kimita: lol
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: lol its a technoligically updated form of venting
Bonita Kimita: i know haha
Bonita Kimita: and then your friends come voer and your like "dude i gotta show you this bitch's myspace"
Bonita Kimita: and you do it and they laugh and make fun with you
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: lol!!! its awesome
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: dude when the hell did rthey get talkin pop up adds?
Bonita Kimita: i was just think that cause one just scared the shit outta me...i thought my cell phone was going whack
Bonita Kimita: what the fuck man the internet is gonna eb able to shoot people soon
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: lol prolly
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: bastards
Bonita Kimita: you know what else pisses me off
Bonita Kimita: 12 year old emo kids
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: lmfao I KNO!!!
Bonita Kimita: they walk around all slouches over with their hair covering their fucking eyes and put pictures of them not smiling on their myspoace with a sad caption...
Bonita Kimita: shit like "he makes my eyes flood everyday"
Bonita Kimita: its like you're fucking 15 shut up and get over ....and your too young to be deep and eccentric to stop trying
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: lmao rite
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: wtf do they have to be sad about]
Bonita Kimita: i know right....my biggest problem when i was their age was which parent was driving to the mall that week
Bonita Kimita: little fuckers
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: lmfao and theyre all sluts now
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: at like age 7
Bonita Kimita: I KNOW!
Bonita Kimita: these bitches are fucking like fucking in 6th grade...and not the boy in 6th grade older guys
Bonita Kimita: its like dud i diodnt know what a blowjob was in 6th grade
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: lmfao i kno!!
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: dude this girl who was a nurse told me she seen a 9 yr old givin birth
Bonita Kimita: ew
Bonita Kimita: what the fuck
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: i kno
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: dude my kids better not be hookers
Bonita Kimita: my kids are never gonna leave the fucking house at this rate
Bonita Kimita: dude i dont even want kids if they are gonna suck like todays youth generation does
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: lol rite!@
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: maybe our generation will be better..
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: though i seriously doubt it
Bonita Kimita: yeah but we weren't like that at their age....maybe it skips a genereation....then our kids'll be off the hook
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: thtad be nice
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: ew but these little fuckers are gona be the doctors takin care of us
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: when were old
Bonita Kimita: egh....maybe they'll still be emo and just let me shoot myself at that point
ThErEsNoDaMLuV: lol

He's gonna go the fucking shore next weekend....AND this weekend....what...the...fuck?!

This is such bullshit...

I'm fucking cranky....

I'm starting my new job tomorrow at 6am....
so I can't stay out late like I originally planned...

FUCK!

What the hell are we doing? What does this make us? We aren't back together, we are "starting over." But people are putting thougts in my head...and the more I listen the worse it all looks...we are "dating" as he puts it...and we are "starting over"....but somtimes I start to think he just my ex that I occasionally sleep with...but he still says "I love you" to me...and when he told me that he missed me...he cried...I know that wasn't just an act...It terrifies me...the thought of loosing him again...I keep thinking that he is just knocking boots with me untill somthing better comes along...and even though I know he wouldn't do that...but people are talking and that's what they are making me think...I love him so much that it hurts...so much that I feel it in every inch of my body...I can't begin to think what it would do to me if he is just playing...I feel horrible that I even think he would do that to me....he wouldn't...every time he seems a little bit distant I go crazy inside...but I don't say anything...I can't find the words to say to tell him that I am scared shitless of loosing him again...I just want it to all be ok again...